I spent the first three days of this week attending the African Women’s Development Fund’s (AWDF) third Chief Executive Officer’s Forum at the Crowne Plaza Hotel here in Nairobi. The CEO Forum brings together leaders in women’s organizations that work with AWDF.

I admit it, I had no idea what to expect. Yes I had received the program in advance. Yes, I’ve heard of many of the women previously. Maybe even worked with one or two of their organisations. And yes, like me all of these women are African feminists. But but but…there was also a key difference. I am self-employed and in a very practical way, whatever actions I take regarding my advocacy on women’s issues is my own decision and often affects only me. These women, leaders in their own organizations, take actions that impact other women in ways I could never even begin to do.

I knew that I would meet a woman who is pushing to get more African stories by African writers for African children on the continent – my younger sister Deborah Ahenkorah of Golden Baobab.

I had Googled the women training women in politics and those looking out for the rights of young women too often under threat from patriarchy through forced marriages and payment of fines to parents (mostly fathers) where girls have been raped instead of prosecution – Mawusi Awity, Amy Oyekunle, Yvette Kathurima.

I would meet the amazing food microbiologist and retired Dean of Science from the University of Botswana who I planned to ambush to become my son’s newly adopted grandmother, Professor Sesae Mpuchane who is also the Chair of the AWDF Board.

And the legends in Afro feminist circles – Mary Rusimbi, Sarah Mukasa and Hope Chigudu (I knew these three as being part of the team that gave us the Charter of Feminist Principles for African Feminists but had never met them) and the Ugandan Woman Achiever 2013,the incorrigible and lovable Dr. Hilda Tadria.

Then too, I would meet the women behind my meeting these other fantastic women, the AWDF team consisting of the soft-spoken but uncompromising (on feminist issues) Theo Sowa, convenor of all these amazing women Nafi Chinery, well-known Afro-sexuality blogger Nana Darkoa, and of course the aforementioned Sarah Mukasa.

My leadership, if I can be said to have any, is different from any of the women above and consists of much navel-gazing and compliment seeking on whether a word or phrase sounds right and yet, in the three days I never had a single moment of being an outsider looking in. It was amazing listening, learning, laughing, crying, comforting, sharing with all of them. Through being with them, I learnt some very important things that I should have known but did not know. I learnt that whatever successes one makes of whatever they are doing is not very useful if it isn’t communicated to the people who should know about it. As an example, we can set up mentorship programs for young women or set up a centre for abused women, a workshop for women writers but if we do not communicate the message to the people who it’s set out for; to the public among whom may be a sympathetic audience that may help out when needed then there is a degree of failure. And yes, too often while self-identifying as a feminist and talking of a feminist cause on this continent often leads to a hostile media within, there are ways to counter the hostility through proper messaging.

Equally important, I learnt that being a ‘strong African woman’ at the expense of my well-being is counter-revolutionary to the feminist movement. I learnt that it is okay to admit being tired. To ask for help and admit that I cannot do it all and most importantly, I am under no obligation to do it all. To quote Hope Chigudu, “after all, what are human rights if we are fragmented, have no support and are unhappy?”

On Monday 2^nd June 2014, I went into a room full of strangers, and left having met some people I know will be lifelong friends. And for those whose paths may not cross with mine again (why ever not?), I leave having learnt valuable lessons from each and every one. A major reason for this was that the group was small enough that in the course of the three days I got to chat with each of the women and found echoes of myself in many of them. As I reflect on the three days spent with the women I met at the CEO Forum, I happily admit that whatever it is I expected, what I experienced was beyond my expectation. If the coaching that many of these women will undertake in the next ten months is as successful as the three days I spent with them, the future of African women leadership and the African feminist movement is in good hands. Best wishes to the CEOs and Executive Directors taking part in the 10 month coaching program as a follow up to this forum on leadership, governance and communications.

By: Zukisiwa Wanner

Zukisiwa Wanner is a writer who was most recently recognised “…as one of the top 39 sub-Saharan African novelists under 40 writing in English, French, Portuguese or an African language.” Check out her blog