Maame Akua Marfo’s interviews with students of the University of Ghana, Legon, continue here.

The idea of consent is affected by the way we talk about it and the way we see it in our daily lives. Consent on campus is often seen as unnecessary when a girl is involved in a relationship with a man– then it almost seems like he is entitled to her.

Question : Does being in a relationship change the definition of consent or the way in which you think men understand it?

“Most guys say you should be able to… enjoy your girlfriend whenever you want.” K

“And I mean the language that we use to talk about rape isn’t helpful. People think Rape involves a stranger. Especially in this country. Rape isn’t just that. It’s your my girlfriend and you’re asleep–passed out drunk and I had sex with you whilst you’re asleep— that’s rape. You are my teacher and you mess my grade up and I come and see you and you force me to have sex with you to get the grade I deserve? That’s rape. On so many levels there are so many things people take for granted here– that are actually rape. If someone doesn’t enthusiastically consent to have sex with you– it’s rape. On campus here people think it’s not rape if it’s with your girlfriend? And it makes me wonder how many people have you raped? ” N

“At what point– even in a relationship can you say I’ve been molested/ harassed by your boyfriend? At what point can you say I’ve been raped by my husband? I mean even the law isn’t on your side. Marital rape is still a myth in a lot of our legal framework.” X

“A lot of the time a girl will be with a guy– and she’ll set clear boundaries. State what she’s comfortable doing and everything but a guy in the moment will hear what she says and think of it as a challenge in some ways–despite the fact he knows what she is or isn’t comfortable with. Or he’ll think that after a certain point– she’ll just need to give in. She’ll be crazy into it, and just want him to continue.” K

This idea that sex within relationships is always consensual is a norm. It is antiquated thought carried over by years of negative cultural values and societal reinforcement. What do we teach men about what women are worth? Do we teach them that they are people or prey? And even where the lines are drawn do we allow men to blur them without any real repercussion?

“When a boy is a teenager he can do anything and get away with it. Even violent rape itself, they say it’s just boys being boys– and then they look at young girls after their raped and ask is she respectable? was she being disrespectful? was she challenging him?” X

“One time we were out drinking on a senior trip– and these guys were feeding this friends of mine drinks. And I was like.. what is going on here–and they were like– she’s an “investment.” So for you to look at a girl that’s your friend, that you’ve known for four years and call her an investment? It’s worrying.

For another friend of mine that trip was deadly. She was my roommate and then later in the night we couldn’t find her– A friend came in and said they’d seen her heading to the beach with another mutual male friend of ours so we went to look for her. On our way we see the male friend coming from the beach. i asked him where she was and he shrugged and said he’d left her on the beach. I got there and she was passed out in the sand. Later the boy tells me he had sex with her on that beach. And when we saw her it was clear that had happened. But she has no recollection of it–she was passed out drunk in the sand another friend had to carry her to our room.” V

Do we teach girls then, that normal is protecting yourself against rape. That normal is thinking of the ways in which you deal with men being men?

“In our part of the world, there’s a way in which girls are brought up to feel bad about the things that happen to them. Even before it happens they’ve been thought to blame themselves. So they don’t speak up and when they do– society punishes them for it. You become the girl who got raped.” Y

“There’s this girl she was invited to study– with one of her friends. So they’re studying in his room and suddenly– he’s masturbating on her thigh. And she was like– did I miss something? Did I misread the signs? And immediately she starts examining if she had anything to do with this guy and the way he is treating her. She starts asking– how is this my fault?” N

“It’s so frustrating because you start choosing the type of victim you want to be. You’re in an inner room, there are boys outside this boy is trying to have sex with you. Trying to rape you. Do I scream? Do I bang on the door? If I scream and get let out– okay I wasn’t raped. I was harassed. I was assaulted– But I’m going to be further victimized and which can I take? The victimization of society or the man trying to force himself on me? The public shame or the private pain?” X